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No Bullshit Advice For Local SEO Ranking
Ok, I’ve seen a lot of bullshit on this sub. Lots of outdated, subpar advice that isn’t going to help anyone much, so I’m giving you some no bullshit, real world advice, and hopefully it’ll help at least one person.
Word of warning, if you’re a squeaky clean white hat SEO who eats up Google propaganda, gets their SEO advice and news from Search Engine Journal, and is afraid of angering Papa John, don’t read on, I don’t feel like reading or hearing your bitching and moaning that I’m not doing things the “right way”.
This is for people who actually want to move the needle in maps and local organic and realize that the rules Google lays out, much like the rules for billionaires and politicians, are pointless and don’t matter. Google itself doesn’t even care about them.
This is why I’m ranking for more keywords, spending less money, and getting more leads for my clients than most other people out there, and also why I can ask for $2500+/month retainers and why people pay me $400/hr for consultations.
It’s also why so many of you are wondering why other sites and GBPs are ranking ahead of you and you can’t get into the map pack or top of organic.
And for the “oh, just wait, you’re going to get hit by an update!” crowd…I’ve been waiting to get hit by an update for about a decade now.
1. “Doorway pages” aren’t a thing. If you want to rank in a specific area, make a page for that area. You need to specifically tell Google where you want to rank, and for what queries
2. Mass duplicate your location pages. No duplicate content filter when it’s your own site. As long as the content is actually trying to help, you’ve used software like POP or Cora to get aligned with the keyword vector as close as possible, and you’re not trying to rank multiple pages on the same vector, your pages will rank. I don’t give a shit what some article in Search Engine Land says, this shit works and Google doesn’t care. Just be smart about it.
3. Put content in accordions and tabs if you need to bump up the entity/keyword density. Google doesn’t care and neither do readers
4. Use AI, but carefully. Can Google detect AI? Sure. Do they care? Maybe. Will you get demoted? Not if you’re, again, creating with the help of an onpage tool, and actually trying to help readers, and not just copy/pasting whatever shit Jasper or ChatGPT spits out. Quit being lazy.
5. Buy links. Buy guest posts, buy PBNs, buy PRs. As long as you’re not buying $5 links from some asshat on Facebook who gives you a Google sheet like a menu, full of “submit guest posts here” sites, you’ll be fine.
6. Google doesn’t know what “low quality” pages are. It’s why lorem ipsum and pages full of 1s and 0s still rank. Are the related keywords and entities in there in a density on par with the competition? Fuck it, to the top it goes.
7. Pure white hat SEO will be beat by a clever black hat SEO every time. That’s life.
8. Keyword stuff the shit out of your GBP services and products. Google doesn’t’ care
9. Buy extra GBPs if you want the best chance to rank in other cities. The worst that’s going to happen is Google shuts them down.
10. Use mass link creation software like SEO Autopilot, Ranker X, and GSA. Still works as long as you don’t blast 10,000 links to your money page in 1 week.
11. Keyword stuff the shit out of your GBP posts. Google doesn’t care and neither do users.
12. Want to get more than 1 spot on the organic SERPs? Use parasite pages like PRs, Cloud pages, Google stacks, etc. “BuT tHaTs BlAcKhAt”. Tough shit, it works and I’m using them to push your clients to page 2.
13. Driving direction manipulation and CTR manipulation can mean the difference between spot 4 and the map pack. You better believe I’m doing this.
14. Schema is important, but won’t help if your page or your site sucks. Don’t worry too much about it
15. Page speed matters less than you think
16. But internal links and silos matter more
17. If you pay for cheap SEO, you get what you pay for. Don’t complain about it when your rankings and traffic haven’t increased in a year. Your fault for trying to rank your cannabis delivery service on $250/month.
Do with this what you want, I don’t give a shit. But when you’re sitting there, with your “fully optimized” GBP, and your 100% white hat website and backlink profile, wondering why you can’t get any organic leads or why your clients are canceling, don’t say you have no idea why your strategy isn’t working.
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1 Reply
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Few nibbles:
* Point 7 should add “temporarily” to the end. BH sites almost always get shit canned at some point.
* Point 10 is asking for a banhammer from the big GEverything else is on point. Good post OP.
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Lol this is the guy that will sell you “SEO” services that will get you to the top for sure…for about six-nine months and suddenly doesn’t answer calls or emails about why your rankings and traffic dropped.
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The amount of people hyping themselves up in SEO is ridiculous, and this guy is a great example.
Nothing more than an attempt to get clients at unjustified fees with snake oil salesman methods.
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SEO is the most weird set of skills i have ever seen. You either want to try new things or you push the same shit you were doing in 2005.
The funny thing is it doesn’t matter which one of those groups you fit into, we all have no idea what the google algorithm wants because they are vague as shit with their info.
Its implementation by democracy.
The more i think about it, its wild to me that we invest time into it. Its a bi polar business model that is controlled by a robot.
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